Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
