Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
