I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
