Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
