how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
