Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
