apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
