It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
