MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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