We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
