Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
