I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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