i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
