video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
