Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it because I queefed?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
