we're blogging at a bar
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
