Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
