She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
