she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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