I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
