i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
worst night to have a conscience
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
