I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
