i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm really busy with my period
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
