is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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