I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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