I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
