Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
