and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
