I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
