I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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