My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
