i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The best revenge is premature balding
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
