so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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