Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
