I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
