There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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