Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This is my gift to your gina
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
