You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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