maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
