your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
