I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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