"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
