I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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