Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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