just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
