Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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