So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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