remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
