Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
