Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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