if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
