Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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