She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
