I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
