Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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